Friday, July 22, 2011

The Paleolithic Diet

Periodically I hear talk about a cure-all eating regime called the “Paleolithic diet.” The idea behind it is that our bodies are adapted best for the diets we ate 30,000 years ago, as opposed to all the processed foods and refined sugars we’re eating now. I like the basic idea, but none of the descriptions I have heard felt truly Paleolithic to me.

After consulting with some anthropologists of my acquaintance, I have come up with what I believe is the true Paleolithic diet, which I present here.

Simply choose one of the following five menus:

No refrigeration is allowed, but you may smoke, dry, salt-cure, or ferment foods to preserve them. Eat meats in bottom section only once every four weeks. When you are in a meat-eating week, eat every edible part of the animal and consume the equivalent of one-quarter to one-half deer within the first three days.

Coming soon: menus for Ngandong & Monte Verde.


Lord John Whorfin said...

When I first heard about this diet, I thought it was a joke. Someone seriously thinks cavemen had healthy diets and lives? Even Rousseau wouldn't buy that one.

If all you care about is getting to age 20 to pass on your genetic material, I'm sure the paleolithic diet is as good as any other.

Beyond that -- at a minimum -- one should switch to the unfrozen cave man lawyer diet.

jakemiller said...

Don't forget the cattails, with their delicious roots, stems and flowers. Think that was mostly western Europe, but probably also coastal Americas.

Also, remember to catch as much of your meat as possible using persistence hunting, which involves running 20-30 miles until the wallaby, elk, bision or dik-dik drops dead of heat exhaustion. (This might be part of the reason you only eat meat every few weeks.)

And you really should think about adding google adwords or some kind of Amazon affiliate program with links to Paleo diet books.

Cthulhu, Destroyer of Worlds said...

Excellent point about the 20-30 mile run/walk necessary to obtain your meat.

I should also have mentioned that the very first things you would eat from an animal would be the heart and brains, followed quickly by the other internal organs, as those are the most perishable.

Although you may want to offer those choice bits to your neighbors, in the hopes that the next time you are starving and they capture a dik-dik, they will reciprocate.

Lord John, I may not understand your fax machines and your cable TV, but I do know that my client is innocent of all charges.

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